At the beginning of the year a social media site I subscribed to on Facebook was looking for new part time writers, I was super geeked to "apply" & although I didn't make it this time around I wanted to share with you the piece I submitted, because I really enjoyed writing it & believe that it could be helpful & maybe even inspirational to you beautiful people.
I hope you enjoy! :)
There have been moments throughout the past ten years that I’ve not just thought about leaving but I planned my escape. You read that correctly. I have planned to leave my seemingly great marriage over and over again. I’m naturally a runner. Not the healthy get up every day decompress kind of runner either, add that to my new year’s resolution list…next year. When it comes to fight or flight I most definitely choose flight when I let my emotions run the show. Freak out- check! Then Look for the nearest exit. Leaving sometimes feels like the only thing I have control over & so I grab on tight to that ONE thing & “run” with it. Pun intended ;)
So it’s no surprise that the thought of leaving my marriage has crossed my mind once or twice over the past decade. I mean seriously it was bound to happen. And it’s okay. I know I’m not alone in this. Life gets hard and marriage, heck, relationships are hard. Consequently they often end up added to our list of stressors rather than alleviators. When one starts thinking it’s not normal to have issues or arguments, or that things might be better if the relationship were with someone else, I want to just scream at the top of my lungs [in a lovingly frustrated way of course] IT IS NORMAL THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS NOT EASY!!! We are all people & people complicate things. We all communicate & perceive things differently. It’s a recipe for disaster; I’m telling you a complete disaster, lots of hurt, which leads to scars BUT that’s not where it has to end!
It drives me crazy that my husband hates brushing his teeth and just yesterday I found underwear on the ground in four different places laying around the house, I can’t stand that he doesn’t listen to hear me sometimes, and that I’m often perceived as overreacting. I know he can’t stand what seems to be breeding bobby pins that are left in all sorts of places around the house, it irks him that I always seem to forget that certain glasses do NOT go in the dishwasher, and I cut him off when he’s talking frequently.
On the flip side he sings me crooner music @ karaoke even though it can be off pitch and I write love notes on his car so that everyone he drives by knows how much he’s loved, we’ve danced in a restaurant that didn’t have dancing – just because, we make time to snuggle and watch our favorite shows together and we have a weird sense of humor that often leaves us the only ones laughing in a room together, which doesn’t bother us one bit.
It’s normal to be annoyed. It’s normal to be inconsiderate. It’s normal to be rude. We of course aren’t these things on purpose. We aren’t intentionally being mean or annoying one another. Anyone you live with for an extended amount of time is bound to get on your nerves in some way. Here’s what we believe is different about marriage. Or what some might say where we get our “staying power”.
We CHOOSE to never give up. We CHOOSE to grow together as we grow individually. We CHOOSE to remind ourselves of the privilege it is to experience one another’s idiosyncrasies. We CHOOSE to try our very best at showing love and being considerate. We also decided that making those choices on our wedding day wasn’t enough. Just like saying I love you one time isn’t enough, you say it over and over again with your words AND your actions throughout your relationships.
So every time we doubt our love, or think about fleeing we purposefully choose those things all over again. We choose each other for better or for worse. The choice is more difficult on some days than it is others, but when we step back and look at all our days put together it really is a beautiful inspiration to continue choosing one another as long as we both shall live.
Friends, if you are tired, or feeling not normal in your currently strained relationship, maybe you’ve been bickering for days, weeks, months I encourage you to PERSEVERE! Choose your partner in a way that is evident to them. Maybe just say those words “I choose you” and then follow those words up with actions. And remember to keep your chin up because you certainly are not alone. The good days will come, just keep choosing and loving one another.